Emotions… that deep down longing that seems to confirm, that what is in front of you is truly what you think it is. Emotions are like guide posts, linked to your past thoughts and experiences, and they give you valuable insight into what may lay ahead.

Actions are the movement in life, the work that you do. They are the steps you take, sometimes in the right direction and sometimes in the wrong direction. Actions make or break your goals and can dictate where you ultimately go in life.

We all take actions sometimes that do not serve our highest purpose, goals, or values. Often this can happen when we let our emotions get involved. Lets dive into your emotions and actions, gain some insight into how they affect your life and give you some ideas as to how to untangle your emotions from your actions. This is especially critical when you are in a position of authority and when you may be dealing with people that are near and dear to your heart but that can be difficult.

Learning how to separate the emotion from the action will help you to be the most rational person in the room, and help you to make better choices that ultimately will help you realize your goals and maintain your values.

Let’s start by looking at our emotions. Dictionary.com breaks down emotion as “any strong agitation of the feelings actuated by experiencing love, hate, fear, etc., and usually accompanied by certain physiological changes, as increased heartbeat or respiration, and often overt manifestation, as crying or shaking.”

Often times we have little control over our actual emotions as they are an automatic response to things or situations in our lives. I want to remind you that no one should to tell you how you feel and or that what you feel is wrong. This is not to say your feelings could be irrational, they very well could be irrational.

Your emotions are a culmination of your past experiences as you relate them to the present situation you are facing right now, and with that said your past experiences do not dictate the current situation. The past is the past not the present and however with that knowledge it becomes easy to realize that that what happened before may not necessarily happen this time. Obviously this does not always apply to all situations. Here is two examples to clarify and make my point.

When I was little I was pushed off a staircase in a house that was under construction. While I didn’t get hurt bad it served to make me quite scared of heights. For years when I went to anywhere that was high up I would get scared, worried and would experience anxiety. While I could be somewhere totally safe, lets say inside of building, it would still freak me out. The emotions would rise no matter how unreal or unlikely that something was going to happen.

On the other end lets say when you were younger you got bit by a stray dog. The emotions of being frightened, worried, angry, etc. are all realistic. Now when you see a stray dog you relive the some emotions. This may be much more realized as the odds of that happening again are much more likely.

Emotions are like guideposts! They don’t tell you where you are only where you have been in relation to where you may be at at the moment you feel them. They are there to help you determine what may happen and help keep you safe from anything that could cause you pain or suffering.

What if I told you that by following them all the time and letting them rule you, your emotions could be doing more damage than good. Sometimes when our emotions are in charge we make rash decisions or even wrong decisions. We may do something that we later we regret, like when we get emotional with someone we care about or a friend and say something that later we regret. It happens and more than likely you have been there as have I.

Then how do you make your emotions work for you instead of you working for them?

I am often told by close family that I don’t care or that I don’t have feelings and that could not be further from the truth. I care and I do have strong emotions, although my actions do not always align with my emotions. I have learned to control my actions in relation to my emotions, to not let my emotions control how I respond to various events.

There are a couple of things you can do that will help you to see your emotions, feel them and then choose to act in a way which will serve you best.

Take some time and realize that no emotion is bad… You cannot feel joy without sorrow, or love without hate, or pity without admiration. Think about it for a bit… You have all these emotions, flowing endlessly. They are wide and deep as the oceans and can come as quickly as they go. The first thing to do is to accept your emotions and learn to revel in the fact that you have them, every emotion you can think of is inside of you, the good and the bad. Once you can accept that fact you will be able to feel more freely.

Pay attention to what emotions you feel and when… Often we are on automatic pilot with our emotions. We tend to feel and get wrapped up in the moment, this is especially true for people when they get angry. Think about it when you get angry, maybe when you are driving or talking with someone with a different viewpoint. Someone cuts you off or starts talking about something you strongly disagree with and next thing you know your yelling at them or even more odd cussing them out in your own car when they cannot even hear you! And what for, most of the time we do more damage or just feel like an idiot for yelling at someone that cannot even hear you.

Take the time to self reflect… If you where the person you wanted to be what would they do? Think about a person you admire or think of as extremely emotionally strong. How do they act or how would they act in a similar situation. If you could be anyone in that moment who would you be, how would you react and how would the situation turn out? Try and keep that person, or better yet what that person would do, or what you wish you would do in mind when you start feeling strong emotions.

Close your eyes and breathe deep and slow… This is a great skill and I am certain you have heard of it. I know when I was younger I always that it was kind of stupid but it truly does work. It can make a big difference in how you react. Breathing helps you to refocus and slow down, and this is often needed when we start feeling strong emotions. It lowers your heart rate and helps to slow down the adrenaline that can start pumping as we react to outside forces that cause us pain or anxiety.

Actions… Actions… Actions… Simply put “something done or performed”.

What actions do you take? Do they help you or do they hurt you? I can say for everyone that reads this that some of your actions help you and some hurt you. We all do things that are good and bad. Your actions can define what happens in every situation. They make the situation turn out good or bad. Think of someone who is really emotionally strong you and how they react to a problem or something that may cause emotional distress. If you think about them you can probably agree their emotions and actions do not always align and usually even when the situation get worse they still manage to maintain a level head and make execute rational decisions.

Make your actions align with a higher purpose. If you set your actions to a higher purpose you will be able to continue making better decisions and slowly but surly you will be able to not let your emotions rule you. This takes some time and is a continual process however it is well worth it!

You don’t have to react now… Sometimes it is better to come back at something later and you should always remember that you don’t always have to react now. We live in a world where we want instant gratification and instant fixes. Sometimes we don’t want to let things sit and fester, sometimes we need to get it done and off of our plate. There are times when you can choose to come back at a problem later on. A good example of this is when we are angry with someone. We may react and say things that do not help the situation or even worse things that may do permanent damage. It is times like these that we should ask for a little space and time, and then come back and address the situation later when we are more rational and can react in a manner that will help us resolve the situation.

You cannot control the actions of others, but you can control your actions and where things go.

I cannot tell you how many times I have been emotionally charged weather positive or negative and the best thing to do is to not react in the moment. It is way too easy to say or do the wrong thing when you become emotionally charged, way to easy to make a mistake and then end up regretting it later on.

Hopefully I have given you some good information to help you. The first step is to recognize your emotions and get used to them, remembering that they are all okay to have. Plan and get used to not reacting to your emotions, start with minor things that are not too difficult to deal with. Use the skills above to keep your head level and be rational in your actions. Last begin to choose actions that may not align with your negative emotions. Choose actions that serve your highest purpose and help you to become the person you want to be!

Remember emotions are like guide posts or street signs, they direct you and give you info but what street you take is a choice! Actions are the path you take and the world has infinite paths, all you have to do is choose!

Life is a marathon not a sprint and progress takes time.